How long should you still hold on?
Sometimes it takes pain to heal another pain and a nightmare to make a reality a fantasy and a fantasy to become a reality.
10 years ago when I first acquired my rider waite tarot, the card that I fear the most are three of swords, seven of swords, ten of swords and five of swords. Well death is also something and tower but these two will always come at the final outcome before and it makes me cringe about losing the one that I am with.
I panicked, I keep on shuffling and try to get a better outcome.
But over the years, I've already learned what those cards really mean. What does it really do in our lives or to open up our eyes at least. I was with the wrong person, I was in a wrong relationship that I used to force to make it right. Because I am afraid to be broken--because I am afraid to be alone.
But pain heals on its own, I thought that it's only the heart who is resilient enough to heal and seal on its own, but I was wrong, Pain as well, closes itself with its own bloody gore. Even pain runs out of pain, runs out of feelings, dries up its own blood and runs out of anguish.
When the pain is too much, numbs comes after it.
When you can no longer cry,
when you can no longer crumble down,
when you can no longer see the point of crying.
When you can no longer feel the pain or even recognize the meaning of itself.
Then there comes a brand new you.
Sometimes in order for you to win in a situation is you have to let go and set someone or something free and that is where you will find the solace and meaning of love. That is where you will find yourself again, under the haystack of miseries.
When someone leaves us, they never left us broken, we are "under renovation" yes. but we are not for reconstruction because we are already made solid and perfect the way we are.
When someone leaves us, they void a space for improvement and discovery.
When someone leaves us, they bring us back to our cocoon to become more of a beautiful butterfly and spread our wings bigger and better.
Until when will you hold on? you shouldn't be. You need to let go, take a few steps back till you can't see them in the horizon anymore. Till you can't feel the pain anymore.
As much as we want someone to stay in our lives, we cannot force them to. Sometimes, you need to let them go for both of you to see that there's still a space left for you. For you to find and rediscover your strengths again. The missing part of yourself that you have neglected when you fell in love. You fell in love with someone but you fall out of love with yourself.
When someone leaves us, we tend to raise a lot of questions. But can't find any answers, Because it's simple. You're not meant to be with that person. Just that simple and straight.
I am not a firm believer of forever, because there's no such as that. Only changes are the constant thing in this world.
Relationships don't last. People and feelings change.
Growing old with someone? That's just an old adage.
My parents stayed together for 51 long years and they never parted ways--even when my father womanized. I grew up seeing my mother crying and miserable but they've had their second chance when my father lost his job and my mother have to work for us.
Maybe before... forever is true...
Maybe before.... growing old with someone is true.
But at this point that temptations flock all around us and legs open wide like doors of hospices, who wouldn't be tempted to cheat?
when the main reason to deceive someone is too shallow and too easy to accept.
It is what it is.
So until when will you hold on to someone? No more.
Hold on to yourself.
Hold to your self respect and self love,
Walk away from a situation or relationship that is too toxic.
Life is too short to be spent on miseries.
Love thy self.
By Irish Papio, Contributor
"According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with 4 arms, 4 legs and a head with 2 faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search for other halves."
–Plato’s The Symposium
In search of that one true love, you may have jumped from one relationship into another, or thought “I am sure with this one!” for the nth time more than you could count. People tend to enter relationships to see if they could “click”, or to experience some “sparks” here and there, ultimately searching for that one who could totally get them without even saying a word. Others, well, just wanted a relationship to avoid feeling the immense black hole of being alone, afraid of feeling the space that someone should be filling in. Some do not tolerate unlikeness, thinks that you have to be completely mutual, and go in the other direction in one slightest dislike. Others, on the hand, tend to sacrifice not only their time, but themselves as well just for the person they think would do the same for them, ignoring red flags scattered around them, only to tire themselves out with still nothing in return. Are you actually sure you are with your soul mate? Are you certain he or she may not be a narcopath?
How can you distinguish from your other half to the monster that's pretending to be the part you've been missing as Plato stated? Actually, only you could tell for yourself. Although there would be little pointers for you to discern between a diamond and a plain old stone to help you get started – before promising forever. Let's start with the narcopaths...
Your Time And Feelings Don't Matter, It's Theirs – But You Won't Notice
Once he set his eyes on you, it's hard to get away. He will make you feel that you are made just for him, but in truth, he's thinking you were lucky and worthy enough to be with him. He will make you feel his world revolves around you, but it's just his way to get your world revolve around him. It is important to note that whatever you do, he can but will not emphatize with you. A narcopath's heart is buried deep within. It is impossible for you to dig it out unless he gave you the shovel and pointed you at the site you need to dig into. Narcopaths are actually known to show little or no emotion. That glimmer you see in his eyes? It was actually coming from yours, reflecting off him as he stares blankly into your eyes full of love. The things he's showing you are actually your emotions, he is good at projecting your feelings to make you think you're on the same page. He will make future plans with you even if your relationship barely touches one month old. He will make sure you know he went out of his way just so he could see you even for a bit, and the gesture will sweep you off your feet. With these, you will think of surprising him with a little bit of something too, and you wouldn't suspect as to why you should be available when he is, and why you're not allowed to see him when he's busy with work. You will think every effort of him driving all the way to your place for two to three hours would be a big deal, and it is, until you find out he just helped drive a friend that will be heading near you, or that his mother just needed something that can only be bought in your town. The point is, it's actually okay. What's not okay is the fact that he makes you believe that it's all about you when it isn't. But of course you wouldn't know, he'll make you feel like a princess – an unsuspecting princess that took a bite from the poisoned apple right when you fell for him.
They Have A Way – Make It A Super Highway, With Words!
They always have something nice to say about you. From your hair down to your nails, you will hear every bit of compliment about you, some you never even thought existed. You will feel like a goddess because finally, someone appreciates you for who you are! But ever thought of the word 'sincerity'? Don't you think some praises from your narcopath-in-soulmate's-clothing sounds like he just memorized it off somewhere or just offered you a script of well-thought and versed praises? They're so familiar it seems he has used them numerous times with someone before you. Compliments are flattering, but think before you dive in too deep. Don't be too caught in his webs of words. If you'll listen hard enough, you'll notice that he's just playing with them. “You're too wonderful,” “You're too beautiful,” “You're too kind,” “You're too generous,” until it just gets interchangeable. He'll make you feel so good about yourself you might actually think this is the real deal. To top it all, narcopaths have this distinct quality about them that they desire to be seen as someone above anyone else. The superior one among the best. They just l-o-v-e being smart, and that puzzled look in your face when they say a hard uncommon word makes them all giddy inside. But mind you, they try so hard at it they're like those bunch of high school pretentious kids that acts cool but doesn't really have an idea on what they're talking about. Maybe they do – on the surface. But they won't let you catch on that far. However, the narcopath doesn't stop there. There are instances he will try to inflate your ego and compare you to others – especially to his exes. He will make you feel as if you're the best thing that ever happened to him, and to make matters worst, you'll like it. But that's the issue right there... You're a thing to him. He doesn't value you as a person, he will just keep toying you around for only he knows when. Because that's what excites him. Your vulnerability to his charms and moves.
When it all boils down to it, we fell for a narcopath at one point or another. Perhaps we're even narcopaths ourselves. Given that case, would we know if our soul mate is right in front of us? Maybe he's the one you bumped into work the other day, or that girl sitting across your table at a café. Will you recognize your other half when you cross paths?
You Will Feel It... You Will Know
You don't have to go looking for it to find it. When soul mates arrive... You won't need a word to know. You will be able to feel it. Soul mates are different. You may like the same things, or be the exact opposite of each other – but the connection will be there. Your minds may be different, but you can read each other flawlessly. Soul mates arrive at the exact time they're supposed to. Note that some stay, while others are only there for a time, it all depends. But whatever it is, a soul mate will find his way to you... at the right time and place. The universe will conspire for the half to find its other half.
A soul mate will be connected to you in ways you can't even fathom. He may know things before words came spilling from your mouth. Or he may do things you're supposed to ask him to do, or you've been planning on doing yourself. A soul mate may look at you without even uttering something, or anything at all – but his eyes will tell you all that you need to know. He will make you feel loved with little things, with just one touch, by staying by your side, or by merely existing. You will never have a connection like that of your soul mate's with anyone else. You will feel a sense of completeness with that person – flaws and all. You will both appreciate each other despite all things that are lacking, for you two will fill each other's voids. It will all come naturally, you don't have to force yourselves with anything at all. It may sometimes feel surreal, but a soul mate will make you feel that finally... Your reality is better than your dream world. A soul mate will never make you beg for him to realize your worth, for he knows what he has. Nothing will feel forced in the relationship, it is willingly given by both parties. You will take care of each other, bringing each other up. Both of you will love each other's scars, and tend to each other's wounds. He will support and guide you, and you'll do the same. Sounds perfect, isn't it? A harmonious relationship with someone you've been looking for all your life...
Will The Love Song Have No End?
But you should remember that though you are connected with your other half, after both of you have been wandering for so long and finally reunited to be your whole self, just like you, he's also human. It's not all sunshine and daisies. You will both have some dark clouds overhead like a normal couple would – but a soul mate will stay connected whatever challenges surface. They may stay and work things out, they may head out the door and be astray, and never return. You are bound by ways more than one, but still, at the end of the day, it all lies within your choices to stay true and faithful. The point being here is that, soul mates aren't fool-proof. Just because you are with your soul mate that guarantees you a happy ever after – no, it doesn't work that way. Yes, you are connected, but he has a mind of his own, and you have yours too. In the end it would be the two of you who would be deciding what to do in the relationship should the need arises. Don't underestimate the power of two people's determination to stay and work things out. Couples who aren't even meant for each other hold each other's ropes tightly, until one of them lets go from the hurt of holding on. What more with that of a soul mate?
Amidst all these, whatever path you choose, a soul mate will always stay attached to you, whatever the distance, time, or place. It is a bond that was never meant to break.
" LIAR, LIAR, HANDS ON FIRE " I'm sure you're very much familiar with this phrase since that everyone is pretty much a liar from time to time. Pathological or compulsive or prophetic or malicious, however you put it, it's still a lie.
But how can actually tell the truth from their lying mouths and mind?
People do listen music, dab art, reading books, watch movies, binge or go through some sort of a depression. People would actually claim that they are not cheating, but notice how they react, flare up and point fingers at you. Listen to the music that's been playing on your mind, because you're not just remembering any song, your intuition is trying to tell you something that you should be aware of.
Songs about goodbye, means that other person is already thinking of leaving or breaking up with you but just can't find the right words to say it.
Words about cheating is already alarming especially if you're not an avid practitioner, this is something you should be even more watchful and careful especially when Rhianna's plays "Unfaithful and Take a bow" then obviously you have to take the queue.
When a song is playing something about the money, jealousy, moving on or going on a journey, it means that they are already starting to question the foundation of the relationship and where they stand.
Dealing with a pathological liars, bipolars or narcissitics are pretty much different than this. They will make you feel so bad and you will always feel the need of apologizing even though there's no need to. You will only attract them and make them stay if you let them have a control over you. These kinds of people are highly intuitive and they know if you're doing something behind or not while they are also doing the same thing. Since that they are naturally paranoid and defensive, they have already acquired and highly developed this one gift that they use as a tool for survival just like a parasite that continuously look for a host to feed. Narcopaths survive through other people weak people's energy, triggering their emotions, conscience and weak spots.
Harboring past mistakes, guilts and burdens, use your secrets against you to attack and make you weak. Yet somehow when narcopaths meets psychopaths this is where the world turns around and it's time for them to feel weak.
As long as you're not giving them the benefit of control, they will leave you alone and don't think that it's you because you've done nothing wrong but you just deserve someone who's a normal mental state.
When someone is a narcopath, they will keep on admonishing your past relationship mistakes because this is their lamest way of attacking you to cover up their stupidity and vulnerability. One thing about narcopaths is that they have a very low IQ, good in math but sucks in rough estimation or calculation in mind.
How to deal with them:
When they attack you with the following:
1. That's why your ex left you because you're like this and that........
Answer: " You don't have any right to go through my past because you were not a part of it and you don't actually know what happened, so stepped away from my past zone coz you can't make me feel guilty over something that you're not even a part of, leave that to my exes. "
2. Turning tables. This is the funniest part and trait of narcopaths, they are already speaking on your behalf, but instead of you throwing it to their faces, they do it to you.
Answer: "Thank you for realizing that and for vouching it for me at least I don't have to waste my energy and saliva telling it to you, since that you obviously realized it. At least now I know that you're aware of your own fault...(and smile)."
3. "You're still in love with your ex" the truth is, it's them.
Answer: "If I am still in love with him/her I would've gotten back to her/him when I had the chance coz we used to have a deeper bonding, chemistry and relationship than us, so if you're that insecured, you're only reminding me more of him/her, instead of helping me forget him/her." Narcopaths are naturally insecured and jealous, so turn the tables against them by doing this.
4. Destruction, distraction. Another trait of a narcopath is jealousy among your achievements that is impossible for them to attain or it's just until illusion. So if they see as something that has more potential or something that can reach up more higher level than them, they will ruin you by throwing tantrums, dramas and distraction to destroy you. They will condition you and you to give up something for them as a proof of your love for them. But bear in mind that when you lose your money, job or business they will mock you and leave you behind.
Answer: " Love is unconditional and if you're really my partner, you will be supporting me all the way through instead of ruining my foundation. If you will become a distraction to me, then we're better off as strangers and have our own separate lives. I don't need someone who will becomes a weight on my shoulder, but instead I expect my partner to the wind beneath my wings, if you can do that; you're welcome to stay in my life... if not... then the door is open."
5. Property, proprietary. When you're someone who's well off and can afford, they would want to be a part of that entity whether shared or sole. But keep in mind that they will act more all high and mighty than you and boast it to other people about their so called "success" using your own properties/assets and grab the limelight from you.
Answer: "You can enjoy what I have at the moment, but once you cheated on me or leave then you will have nothing but yourself and suitcase of clothes only. I will give you whatever that is rightfully yours in time but not in a way you want to impose yourself on." Expect that they will keep on wailing and walking away from you just to get what they want, but don't be too afraid to lose them, coz you won't they will keep on haunting you back and going in and out of your life for long.
6. Disdain and ordeal. Narcopaths are actually naturally pigs and dirty people, they won't care if it's a pornlike sex or missionary or something out of this world as long as it feeds their ego and enthusiasm they'll go for it, but expect that they will be applying same to you and affect your reputation, drag you down and apply mud or dirt on your face so that you will be the same like them. This is something that you need to be careful. Stay away from drugs, illicit affair, unhealthy sex, alcoholism or any sort of addiction. They would rather see you down than you leave them flat-faced on the ground.
Answer: "If you want to ruin yourlife, just go ahead and ruin it but don't drag me down this isn't the measurement of how far I would go for you, but instead you're showing me more how capable you are of ruining everything that I have including my life and future, so you want this destruction, leave me in peace then."
7. The great betrayal. Narcopaths are naturally discontented by nature and they will keep on admonishing temptations behind their partners just to satisfy their palate of destruction and ego to themselves. Whether it's a man or a woman they have dual personalities and they are pretty much flexible like a rubber that will just leave you appalled and baffled with the way they live their life. Still, despite the truth right in front of you, you feel trapped and glued on to their charm. When caiught, they will throw all the drama that they know and use your disadvantages in sex just to get away with it. But in fact, they suck in bed and they are mostly pillow princess/prince.
Solution: You don't really need another drama in your life, walk away from something unhealthy by traveling to another place for a few weeks or months, move to a new house, change your job, change your phone number and always bear in mind that you did not anything to cause your fall out. It just so happens that you met someone for a lesson to love yourself more and mirror your own deeds...so make a change and start shedding off those old behaviors.
8. Getting/Returning stuff back. Upon break up, narcopaths will keep on calling you and they will demand for their stuff back and drop by to your place, but don't fall for this because they only want to seduce you to fall back into their lap and won't let you go till they're satisfied again to hurt you for the nth time.
Solution: Get the address and have their stuff sent back by courier or leave it at the gate/guard or a friend. But don't ever face them while the break up is still fresh.
9. Keeping in touch and stalking. When they have an unfinished business with you, they won't let you go that you easily, while you're together, they're already doing their research of all your accounts, email address, places that are possible you'll be, family members, friends, work connections etc. That's why right after the break up it's much better to start anew because they will only drive you crazy.
Solution: Tell all your family and friends about what happened so that they could cover you up and won't lead the narcopath to your direction.
10. Closure. This is the last resort that they could come up with when they cannot get you back anymore... but they are not going to give or ask for a closure, it's a trick for you to come out of the surface and oblige. Let the time pass by before talking to them again and give the closure through a letter.
Solution: There will never be enough or closure for a narcopath, but they will keep on entangling you with their mess and keep on harboring troubles in their lives and ask help from you even to the extent of being incarcerated. With this, it's much better to walk away and have a healthy lifestyle and peace of mind.
Copyright. 2015. Sophia Angel
We're all aware of the old saying that trust is like a glass, once broken it can never go back to what it was before.
But sometimes our heart has a mind of its own; we often ask ourselves "how many times do I need to go through this?" "How many times do I need to get hurt before he/she stops cheating on me?"
In my 17 years of practice, I’ve realized that men are even more melodramatic, emotional, weak and erratic than women. If they could just squeal like a rubber on tiles, they will. They tend to hold on to broken relationships even if they are already made a rebound with someone and been sleeping around. They still carry their hearts empty.
And women? I guess because there has been a lot of empowerment going on for us, they got more powerful to the extent of malpracticing it by strumpetting more and men cry like a river for them.
Lust as an alternative to love
Should it be? Lust doesn’t last longer than love. I personally don’t believe in forever except for changes that remains constant. But my parents are the living proof that there is forgiveness after the betrayal. We grew up witnessing my mother’s bitterness and harboring sadness in their marriage. Their fights and arguments—but I never saw my father once to hit my mother and when the time came that the other woman want my father to leave us, he did not obliged; instead he asked help from my mother because the sideline turns out to be a witch. We lived for spiritual disturbances in our lives for how many years until it faded away.
When they moved out to our old house and I bought them a new one, that’s where they start to live again and be happy. They stayed together for 51 long years and for the first time again in their marriage, that’s the first time they have been intimate with each other like a second honeymoon. They remained inseparable for six years until my mother died last year.
You cannot find what’s missing in your partner to other people. We are deemed to be different and have our own unique qualities that will remain as our identity and not as a label.
When the karma strikes back
The circle of life goes and on as the person that you cheated with will eventually cheat on you once the two of you were already together. But one some level, there are some what we call “ the accidental love” or “we have the right love at the wrong time” that we eventually meet our soulmate when we’re no longer free and our hands are tied already, we can’t stop our hearts from beating and longing for that stranger that we only met on the train, yet the face and the image of that person seems to be embedded in your mind for eternity, until you meet again and finally break that moment of silence and break your vows.
Affairs always have two sides and not all people who commit adultery are more into sex prowess or excitement or whatchamacallits because we also get married for the wrong reason as well. Some get married for money, power, citizenship, escape goat and cover up (if you’re gay). So being involved in an affair cannot be stereotyped anymore.
But what is the real push why people cheat when they get married for love and later on after a few years time that the excitement and connection is gone?
One is emotional immaturity—our heart is the only organ in our body that doesn’t grow old. Second of, vulnerability, third—validation and fourth vindictiveness.
In psychology, those people who tend to throw stones at you are the real killers. Innocents, tend to stay quiet because the voice of the crowd who judged them already before they could be heard already drowned it. Empty cans make the most noise, cheaters are more apt to broadcast their “hurt” feelings to the public inviting more attention so that people would care and cajole them. But coins have two sides and don’t get blinded with the one that’s only visible in your eyes.
Why do our partners get jealous, paranoid and accuse us of things that are too far from reality?
First of, they are the one who have the history of cheating. Second of, they are afraid for you to do what they have done in the past and feel the pain and anguish that they caused to their exes and third of they are about to do it or want to do it.
Especially those narcissistic people
The feelings of guilt and aggression, when someone is having an affair and they feel guilty about it, they are the ones who’s likely to act weird, incessant and insolent towards us, the insults, the belittling, turning their backs on us, “working late”, out on a gym and picking on you, which they never did before, plus turning tables.
These are the type of cheaters who’s more afraid to be caught.
But what should you do when they start turning tables against you and accusing you of far- off things.
1. Look at them straight in the eye while being high-strung
2. Just stay still and be calm, don’t feel the urge to talk back or react to their accusations
3. Watch and observe their body language, their hand gestures, their choice of words---these are the very important part. The words that they use and their accusations, because that is what they are doing actually.
4. Talk back but listen carefully to them and start twisting their words on them
5. People who are guilty cannot tolerate the silence that you’re giving them; it will torture them and torment them until they do something to provoke you, but stay still no matter what.
6. If they will storm out. Let them and don’t do anything, especially to follow them. Actually if you can in fact, throw their things out of the house or pack it for them.
7. Don’t try cracking up their emails or inboxes, the truth hurts and it will only break you down once you see the truth, you will lose your head and your temper. Just think that what you don’t know can’t hurt you.
Silence is the most powerful tool to torture someone mentally. Don’t bother asking when did it start, who is it, where did they met, how they do it, how does it feel, are they in love and blah blah blah.
Learn to let go
Don’t push for the relationship to go on if you’re already positive that the betrayal is too flagrant. I don’t believe that someone should actually stay in a relationship just because they have kids, you can’t really let your children grow with much torment and stormy house and relationship. This is more of a torture for them, than it is to you.
Don’t fiddle with a broken string, whoever caused the rift let them make amends and prove that they are worthy of that second chance, if you’re still willing and if the damage isn’t that big yet.
So, after the cheating and everything, how to trust again is the big question.
Some people said that once a cheater, always a cheater. But I reckon on this, it’s not always applicable especially if the player or cheater learns their lesson well in a hardway.
If you forgive them easily, they’ll do it again and again until it sucks your dry and it will make you numb already. After the cheating, learn to move on from the pain and heal yourself. Don’t give that person a quick second chance only to hurt you more than ever. Allow some time and space for you to realize your mistakes and be humble about it, instead of being all high and mighty that you didn’t do anything wrong because it takes two to tango.
Let that person prove his/her worth by courting you again and start how did you two met, obviously if you’ve been together for how many years now a lot has changed already and you’re not the same people as you used to. So, get to know that new personality and see if you still want that changed person. Don’t fall into the trap of the old personality or “maybe he/she’ll change” or the “what might have beens or what could have beens” because people change; and accept that you are facing a stranger now.
Now, should you give this person a change again?
If that person can handle being single or alone while he/she wooing and waiting for you for a year, then yes. But if it’s only three months and that person can’t handle being with anyone else; especially asking for an assurance, then move on.
Some people would object to the long waiting period of one year, especially without sleeping with anyone then they will only keep on wandering off and philandering.
All in all, after the storm in your life don’t enter into another one without getting that time to heal, forgive and recover. Because you will only keep on reopening the wounds that you’ve been trying to close.
Don’t cheat back, because you will only end up feeling bad about yourself and it’ll add up more to your guilt.
Some people are worth the second chance but the changes are not instant, some people…that will always be the way they really are. If you’re fated together, the universe will find its way for you to be together again.
Don’t rush things and don’t be afraid to let go, because sometimes we all need to say goodbye for us to start our lives again and live.
You will know when you’re ready to trust again and when you’re already in a relationship, don’t apply the ghost of the past to that person that you’re with, karmas repeat but not all people fall the same.
Drop the accusations and your fears, if you see one red flag… move on and don’t drag it along or even think that things could still change.
A person should be consistent from here and then after.
Don't let the ghost of the past hinder you from being happy again.
Of all my 10 relationships in the past, they all cheated on me but I have come out even stronger and smarter and trust me sometimes the pain is the only cure to another pain.
If you could only just learn how to let go of a toxic relationship that is consuming you and eating you up; you would actually be living more everyday. Love should make us feel more than we were when we were still single and alone, if you keep on thinking and missing your single life...then definitely you're in the wrong relationship.
Yet, when we really decided to end things up with our relationships...part of the drama...we blame ourselves for not working it out and making it till the end... but just put this in your mind that you won't be at a crossroads if he or she also made an effort to make it last...
Read this first.
After the break up, we intend to feel/pretend to be strong that we could move on, forget about that person, be with anyone in any minute, love again or sleep with someone to ease down the pain. I'm sure many of you will play or hear the song of Beyonce's "Irreplaceable".
In the 7 stages of break up, most of the people especially when they have a weak mechanism to cope up with the situation, they tend to get stuck in numbers 3/4/5/6 and it takes years for them to get over it.
Many of us, after the break up we never remembered the bad moments that we've had with the person and keep on blaming ourselves for the drifting--which is not right. Don't self-imprison yourselves in "what might have beens and what could have beens" things happen for a reason and what's meant to be will cross your path once again if it's meant to be in your life no matter what.
Do this exercise if you are trying to get over someone.
1. Write down a memory lane from the day you met, until the day you broke up. No shortcuts and lies, write everything that you remember.
2. Afterwards, read it over and over again, try to feel your emotions, how do you feel about it and can you see what went wrong with the picture? We are all born with the intuition and instinct. Write it down as well.
3. Save it and keep it for the meanwhile.
4. Write down a letter...not in a computer but a handwritten letter pour out all your emotions, read it...afterwards when you're ready. Burn it, make sure to burn it in a safe place and stare at the fire and in your mind, picture the emotion and bitterness burning and disappearing the same like the paper turned into ashes and let it disappear in the air.
5. This is not an instant solution to get over someone and it depends if it's you or the person's fault.
6. Don't remove or burn their memories but keep in a shoebox or vault. Keep it for the meanwhile and don't listen to sad songs, instead listen to groovy and happy music.
7. Go out more often, if there are no friends available, walk it off just walk as far as you could and feel the wind, let your body get tired and look around you and let your mind think and wonder about it.
8. Next thing is, go to the park and find a pond. Try feeding the fish and while feeding them, let them take your anguish when they disappear from the surface. Just relax and enjoy your mind while watching the fishes take your feeding.
9. If you know how to swim, swim it off and cry in the middle of it. Shout if you must and float in the water. Feel the tide in your body just don't overdo it and don't drown yourself. You have to fight what you're feeling and it's not yet the end of the world if you lost or someone left you. Trust that things happen for a reason and that person that left you doesn't really deserve you.
10. Open up and go out with your friends, don't date out yet. Take some time to heal and learn to be happy again. Go to the salon and pamper yourself even more, buy clothes and beautify yourself.
The biggest damper you could ever give to someone who dumped you is show them how happy you could be without them. Concentrate on your career or take a short course to learn new things and be successful. You will learn when you are ready to love again, don't rebound just for the sake of being with someone and avoid being lonely. It's sad when you don't have anyone, but it's even more devastating to hurt over and over again when you start another relationship and you're not yet ready.
We all dreamt of and want someone who could be a perfect match for us. But what are the clear indications they are really the right one for you? Here are some tips to avoid falling for the wrong one. Please note that this is only for those who is seeking for a long term relationship.
1. When the communication strikes and sparks, obviously you will get hooked up to that person and fall intangibly, but... watch out for the red flag signs. How consistent is he/she?
2. A person should be consistent with his/her interests in you, instead of a boosting conversation exercise everyday and would suddenly stop. If that person suddenly pulls a pause from talking to you and will make an excuse that he/she is busy but you could somehow see in his/her whatsapp/viber or whatsoever that he/she is online and is continuously talking to someone else....think twice.
3. Talk online and on skype or video constantly, there are still some people here who are still honest, but most of them online are great pretenders---especially bored men and women. If that person only talks to you on a certain time, day and place... ask him/her to show you around his/her house, watch the ring finger and be observant among his environment.
4. If someone would ask for an online sexual activity, just avoid this person immediately. A strong and healthy connection that would eventually lead into a healthy and long lasting relationship should be built on respect.
5. Be open and frank, if you want to meet someone who's trustworthy, don't be someone else that you're not.
6. Avoid talking about your past if you're looking for a potential partner that would lead down to a marriage. Past is past, not unless that they have some sort of an agreement about properties, kids or something else. If they still share same house and consistently see or sleep with each other, save yourself from a heartache and disappointment. If the person has been in an illicit or clandestine affair, examine first why did he/she committed this kind of relationship and what pushed her/him into it? Is it really over or is it an office affair? Starting a relationship as a love triangle would eventually end up as a triangle as well.
7. That person should at least make an effort to call you, not just through viber, skype or something free... but you will see the sincerity of someone through their effort. Learn to draw the line and observe their actions. A person should also allot a time for you to talk at least before going to bed and if he/she says that she's/he's in love with you, you would actually see and know through the time that they spent with you.
8. Family is a big part of our lives and world but it shouldn't be a decree to our own strength of making such decisions. In my own experience, family and friends are mostly the ones that ruined us, they are always against me or us. It's not easy to melt and convince your partner's family or friends but don't take a step forward into making yourself into the big picture, observe and see what will your partner would do to bridge the gap to make the two of you closer together. If your partner is too coward enough not even to let you talk to any of his/her family and do something to bring your guys closer together---or worse not to introduce you properly and she/he would let everyone fill in the blanks, walk away from this kind of situation as this won't really end in a happy ending.
9. Once you're already in love, you should actually see and feel the dependability and strength of your partner. How is he/she when it comes to finances? Does she/he calculates? does he/she tabulates every cent that you spend and everything should be recorded? How is she/he when it comes to your family? Is he/she willing to help without any bitterness or grievance? There are some people who's really good and nice but when it comes to money, people change. So watch out for this one as this would only break your heart in the end and you would only feel miserable.
10. Has she/he already introduced you to even one of his/her friends? As a partner/girlfriend/boyfriend? or only as a friend? if that person would only introduce you as friends, think carefully as this already indicates a fear of commitment and unpreparedness for a serious relationship.
For someone who would profess their love to you, they should be out and proud about it and shout it to the whole world and not just between the two of you. Watch out for more relationship and dating tips!
Do you know that cheaters are the number one insecured people? In all relationships there will always be an instance of cheating and betrayal. What's worse is when someone is already cheating on you are those bitter insults and hurtful words they throw at you. Why? Egocentric people need stimulation and push-ups. If their ego or pride doesn't receive the same kind of signal that they expect, they feel less or inadequate and they tend to find that measurement somewhere else.
The hurtful words or insults are just their childish ways of taking out their angst against you for taking them for granted---not necessarily means you do take them for granted but they are too selfish to only think about themselves and focus on their own being instead of improving on where they lack of. Insecurity doesn't have to be based on looks, gender, money, height or weight. People have psychological issues that most of them aren't really aware of.
Like for example, a person who came from a broken family or has a father who's a shameless womanizer would tend to have an affair with married people as well, psycholigically it's their way of coping with their trauma and seeing and feeling it themselves how to be in that person's shoes which eventually is the object of their wrath. Or, for those people who loved their partner the most and expect the most and asks more attention from their partner, if they don't get what they want, they would act stubbornly and resort into a revenge and flirt with someone online, outside or wherever to fill in the emptiness they feel on the inside. This kind of person doesn't really know how to address the crisis that they are feeling on the inside and instead act immaturely by cheating.
There are also some people who’s with someone; who's so successful in business or career and they are not. They partners were always busy at work and earning money while they don't. People would cajole them for being less and this would trigger their insecurity. There are also some others who lack in everything and they tried to please and please their partner but to their disappointment, nothing really ever satisfies them. So, they get tired and when someone comes along and gives them a spark of chance, they tend to divert their attention, pivot their feelings and resort into a revenge against their neglecting partner. All in all, right after the drama and euphoria is gone, just like a dream we woke up from it and face the reality no matter how good the dream is. This is where they finally awaken that this is not what they want, that losing their partners or better halves is not what they want but to feel secured, loved and valued.
Some people leave their family for their querida or mistress, but karma doesn't stop working, what comes around goes around. What goes up must come down and vice versa. Nature will always fleet its own revenge at its own pace and time. Why do they cheat? It's because of immaturity, selfishness and narrow mindedness. Is there a cure for cheating? Yes there is. Is there a second chance after the cheating. This already depends, how frequent it has happened, what are the consequences of the situation and how deep is your love for that person. Is there a rainbow after the storm? Is it really worth forgiving? It is always worth to forgive, whether you would choose to move on or stay. But don't make it easy for them to win you back because they will just abuse the privilege. Don't be afraid to lose them for good, always remember if they are really sincere in winning you back, they would cross the seas, go up the mountains, walk on fire or glass shards for you.
For all those people who's trying to get over a bad break up or a conniving infidel partner, read the Language of Letting go.
LIARS WOULD ALWAYS DANCE IN A DELICATE FARCE.
Women’s instinct, when they started kicking it’s definitely true, yet when you’re inlove it’s hard to unmask or reveal someone’s real color until it’s too late.
What do you usually do when you first met someone?
Tell them stories of your life, your exes, past relationships, family, work, achievements, traveling etc. But how could you actually verify someone’s identity while you’re still at par from being deluded?
The first thing that you’re gonna ask is what do you do for a living? Even if they tell you they’re a rocket scientist, would you believe them immediately?
I’m sure some would say yes, some would say no.
But people would always lie one way or the other just to make an impression, earn a glamorous applause, worship you, spread the word and smitten your date.
You know the worst part?
People always lie because they could get away with it, people are naturally gullible and nods at every word you say. Not all people are far too observant to know and dissect the truth from their web of lies. People lie, because it makes them feel good, people adores them from a fake perspective of shallow respect, paper bravado and phony friendships, just like how people would flock at your doorstep when you have money to their advantage.
People lie, because they are nothing but an empty space but they need to falsely fill up that shallowness with an illusion so that people won’t discard them from the circle.
People lie because they want to be one of us. They want to be a part of the normal society, so they spell out the truth and reality with hypocrisy.
Contrary to what the articles had said how to measure a liar that if they cannot look at you straight in the eye, they are liars, or if they look at the right side of the eye while talking, they are making up stories or if they are fidgety while talking to someone, they are hiding something.
These are no longer applicable as people get more and more educated with these and so as the liars.
Liars will try to manipulate you in anyway they could, especially if they could get away with it the first time. You have to study their moves, observe, memorize and analyze their wordings. Investigate, research on google the companies and types of works they do and verify it. But don’t reveal the truth to them, because one thing that pathological liar hate is when they are being busted out of the truth and they might cause you harm.
The second time or date and the two of you were off together in another romantic set-up or place, ask a few personal things about him/her especially about her family and do remember every detail. Don’t rely on their facebook account because people nowadays have multiple accounts and personality.
Don’t also rely on the old adage of men not wearing a wedding band because some people just simply don’t wear them but ask them more who they live with, where do they reside and the directions in a less creepy way.
You can’t really reveal the liar’s true color from the beginning of the relationship, it will soon and slowly unfold when the two of you were already getting too hooked up and attached with one another that he/she’s starting to control you.
If you're good, you could unveil the truth in less than 30days.
One thing about these people is that they cannot control their paranoia.
When they get too attached or involved with someone, they pry, control and spy. They would make such accusations that are beyond the truth, bend it in the other way and turn the tables against you.
When they make such accusations that you know it’s too far for you to commit, this is the red flag sign that they are actually describing their own monstrosity and this is where the revelation should begin.
Liars are not good in keeping in their promises. They make a lot of commitments and engagements which they can’t and don’t really honor. They would only say this to make a laughing trip about you and when you do reveal them, now the joke’s on them.
Another thing, try borrowing their laptop or phone and when they are not really aware… prowl around their web history (but don't read messages!) Liars are not really good in keeping secrets and organize things, they are actually lousy and clumsy. Remember all the facebook accounts, emails, websites they visit and others.
Now when the revelation has finally dawned into you, what to do next?
Confront them in a diplomatic and distant way.
Don’t confront them when they could actually ambush you or get something against you to make you stay. They might hurt you or they might just cause you more disturbance.
If you want to break up or tell them you already knew the truth, just send them a long message saying everything. Ofcourse they would try to exlplain and overshadow your doubts that you’re overthinking and over-analyzing about stuff but don’t budge.
Another sure red flag thing is liars are too defensive about something. They flare up, react big time and wail out.
When someone is defensive about something: IT’S TRUE
So when you’re unsure about someone’s honesty and virtue, don’t tell them where you work, live and people you talk to or even add them immediately to your facebook account, take your time to get to know someone, give it for six months and listen to your instincts.